BAD GYAL

The norm for men in Ghanaian society is marriage to a prim and proper woman. The kind who cooks and says “Grace”. The one who is a lady and argues only in the bedroom to save face. The kind of woman your mother would appreciate and your father would be proud of, but chale some of us are not aligned towards the mechanisms of the system! We no dey like am so! I want that ONE BAD GIRL.

That one bad girl who stares at you on the table and licks her lips with a little wink. That tease that causes an uprising in your loins. The blue balls expert, a constant source of pain to your groin

ONE BAD GIRL! Bad girl who keeps you wondering, keeps you wanting but you’re a bad man too so your mentality keeps you fronting, though inside, your system is like Jerry Rawlings' house in February; ON FIRE!

The one who would just park her car by the road in a spontaneous surge with the words "Go down on me". Yes that's a bad girl!! The one who tickles your ear on her way to the club bathroom with a smile sexier than a Rihanna, Lady Gaga and Shakira threesome! She just sent you a message; Badman is needed right now! Damn she's bad! But I like it, I like it a lot.

Imagine waking up to the feel of a female hand in your Louis Vuitton boxers and a naughty smile to compliment the situation.

That strip tease to Oleku at 2am when the silence is only broken by the coffee junkie owl and invisible crickets! Her twists and turns, all you see is her lips and curves, the lights are off but the moon blesses you with the sight of her silhouette.

Bad GyaL! Bad girl who wants to play a game. Her pipes are broken and I'm the plumber. I fix the pipes and fix her pipes, she's cool I'm an efficient worker. Maybe next time the television will be broken, I did say I was an electrician too.

That girl! That girl who gives u a sneak peek of her la senza underwear in public but you’re the only one who saw the UFO: Unidentified Fornication Object! She's baaad!

She kisses you and runs off like a four year old, f**kin tease! But I no bore, I know she's gonna come bearing Victoria’s secrets and I'm a conspiracy theorist, I need to know!

She's soo bad I feel like an infidel cos her evil is only directed towards me. Yeah, she's a terrorist! F*ck Osama Bin Laden, Osama be hiding. Enogo fit am! ONE Baaaad girl

The kind who whispers sin into your ears, touches your face plays with your beard, she likes you not for your looks, likes you cos you’re weird, Oh chale, I'm weak. She bends over and wipes imaginary dust from her gladiators she just wants to give you a view, damn she's bad! Puts her feet on your lap when you're with friends gives you the "what u go do look" and she's right I can't do nuffin (British accent). YES she knows!

Straight faced discussing the politics of the "yutong bus driver", she's engulfed in the conversation like she's Ursula Owusu on Kwame sefa kai's morning show.  Look beneath the table!! Her feet are placed between the apex of my Salvatore Ferragamo trousers playing a game that Manchester United have never dreamt of..... I'm in the theatre of dreams! I'm in the champions league final and I'm winning, half time, two zero!

Herh she's baaaaad!

She doesn't want to go with me to Holiday Inn and pay extravagant prices for that Star beer. She's with me at the local joint we are drinking beer for two Cedis, it’s like we are the staff here! My Baaaad girl!

Have you ever come back from a drinking spree, WASTED? You open your door and she's covered with whipped cream! TASTE IT!

My bad girl!! Why u dey do me soo!! Fokin "up" ma mind like it was an airborne private part! She ain’t looking at your private cars, she wants private stars!! That's what I am. She lures you to the kitchen with the alluring smell of her akukor nam Jollof, the only one able to make nonsense of my sense of smell when my eyes fall on her perfectly shaped rumpus. Bad girl is cooking in some hot pants! Now you know I can't let her finish! I must have my meal before my meal. My friends complain...they say our food never tastes thoroughly cooked, ha (jamaican accent) dey dun know!

Don't get me twisted, I'm not saying that one bad girl is not a lady, in that respect, she's full of class like a primary school block and only I know of her other side, her Jekyll. I'm clinging to the walls of her body's temple, gecko. Bad bad bad girl Daddy thinks she was with her girlfriends, but I know what she did last night! Naughty naughty